Hoffman Murphy Team Blog

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There is no debate that technology has made a critical impact on the real estate industry. It’s an impact that steadily continues to change and advance the way normal business is done in real estate, bringing both efficiencies and cost-effective changes.

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About two and a half years ago while working mostly from home, I became extremely great friends with a man on my street, Mr. James Carney. Mr. Carney, now 91 years old was an engineer on the Rocket Planes F86D , X15, Chief Engineer for Skylab, Insert Apollo, Apollo Soyez and the Space Shuttle. He was living up the street from me with his wife of 60 years who had experienced many health issues, including dementia.

I grew up loving the space program. I stayed up late at night with my parents and brother as a kid watching the first walk on the moon, yet I wouldn’t call myself someone hugely knowledgeable in this field. What was extremely interesting was this man who was so involved in the engineering world and I had a great many things in common. I loved going up the street and hanging out. Our conversations would range from leadership skills, politics and the latest book he was reading to a little bit of advice giving a getting. Sadly, a little over a year ago, his wife of over 62 years passed away. I have been married what I think is a long time (26 year), yet still I knew I still could not imagine what he was feeling. I did have the privilege of seeing the kindness and care he expressed with her. The full time care givers he hired, his patience in repeating things over and over if she needed it. He cooked, kept the house up and was completely and totally present for her. It wasn’t until after her passing and during many of our conversations that I realized how rich of a life they had before her illness. They traveled extensively, they had fun, she was a journal keeper and a world class needlepoint artist (a skill she passed on to her daughter). He was a photographer and the guy that took that AAA map and designed their twice yearly moth long trips. They gardened, made fantastic food, enjoyed their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He told me me it was pretty rare that they ever had any sort of disagreement, something I know many of us would like the secret too.

So a few weeks ago, he shared with me his advice for a long and happy marriage. After I wide the tears from my eyes, I realized that it was wisdom that should be shared and was actually more than marriage advice, it sure would help any friend ship, family or work relationship. I asked his permission to share these pearls of wisdom here. Sit down with this and really read it. It’s going to be one of those articles you cut out and pass on.

How to have a long and happy Marriage:

START OUT RIGHT Most people of marriage age have developed likes, dislikes and habits. Be prepared to accept them without reservation

LEARN: Learn what your partner’s preferences are in friends, work, hobbies, entertainment, food etc. Learn to support their choices and when to butt out… and do it!

RESPECT: Respect them. Respect their family. Respect their preferences, after all, wasn’t that part of the makeup of that person when you wanted to marry them?

REMEMBER: Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, any special days and don’t just bring a card or gift to “get off the hook”. They to think of something really special that says I love you.

SHARE: Share your love, share your space, the daily chores, everything except that little corner of yourself that every person needs occasionally. Never intrude there.

CARE: Care for your partner when they are happy, sad, sick or well and accept your partners care when offered. Allowing someone to give you care is a gift.

CHANGES: If you sense an annoyance at something you do or say or wear, work on a change and ask your partner if things are better. Conversely, if it’s something that annoys you, give a reason to change, but not a trade “If you do this I’ll do this”. It must be a gift. Finally, love your partner will your whole heart and Soul If you survive your spouse and you haven’t had a spell of uncontrollable crying, then you’ve missed the whole point!

By Mr. James Carney age, 91 Married to Angie Carney for 62 years and 8 months

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